A Pound of Obscure

I’ve spent such an inordinate amount of bandwidth on the subject of cars recently, I've even bored myself. So, I thought it time to switch to my usual agenda: nitpicking.

Every morning, I walk past the sign you see in the picture, and I hear this phrase butchered almost daily. There are two options when it comes to prevention:

1. Preventive
2. Preventative

Now. When I apply rock salt to ice to keep myself from landing on my rump, the salt is a preventative.

When I'm trying to obviate or thwart something, I'm being preventive, as in preventive medicine. Applying the rock salt was a preventive measure.

When do you use preventative maintenance? When you’re maintaining a preventative. If I have such a need, I know exactly where to bring it.

An xBox You Enjoy Outdoors

Big day in ScreamingPepperland: My Lady Fair and I bought a new 2006 Scion xB.

What led up to this purchase, you ask? Well even if you didn’t ask, I’ll tell you anyway. You know the Accent story, and our trusty Toyota Tacoma just wasn’t a practical choice anymore. Since it was a 2WD base model, it had zero storage. When I set out to replace our totaled Esteem wagon a couple years ago, I knew I wanted a truck. I also knew that I wanted an extended cab so I could have some storage. I wasn’t finding one for the price I wanted, so I jumped at the opportunity to buy the standard Tacoma because:

1. It was red
2. I was impatient. Ah yes, good ol’ impatience strikes again.

Truth be told, we loved the truck and it was very good to us. It just got to the point where I wasn’t confident that a tonneau cover would be sufficient to protect stuff from the elements, and security just wasn’t an option. The impracticality of it outweighed the ability to throw a kayak in the back or move my friends in a moment’s notice. The gas mileage wasn’t as bad as other trucks, but it wasn’t great either. It was time to move on.

I’ve loved the xB since the day I saw it in Car and Driver as a concept vehicle, most likely shown at the Tokyo Motor Show. I loved its simplicity, the fact that is was SO square amongst an industry of cars that look like melting ice cubes, and that it was economical. I knew I’d own one at some point, but I didn’t know when. I was starting to worry that they wouldn’t be available anymore because it didn’t seem like the buying public was catching on.

Fortunately, Scion (Toyota) hung in there. I didn’t actually intend to buy a new car until after the first of the year, but I got a dealer promotion letter in the mail and decided to head on down and check it out, mostly to see what I’d get for the truck. I had considered many new cars over the past two years, most notably a Chevy Aveo wagon, Hyundai Accent (before The Saga happened), Honda Fit, Toyota Matrix, Nissan Versa, Toyota Yaris hatchback, and a Scion xA. My older brother has an xA, so I had a good point of reference there. We tried three cars that day, and we took turns driving:

1. 2004 Toyota Matrix. I figured this was a great place to start because it was a wagon, and we just looove wagons. They’re also just really nice cars. It felt very solid and linear, and it had a 5-speed. Interestingly, used examples cost pretty much the same as new ones, so there was no savings to speak of. Great car, but they were still asking WAY too much for a two-year-old car with 30k on it.

2. Toyota Yaris. No doubt you’ve seen the ads. Their cuteness borders on the insane. There was a commercial some years ago for what I believe was McDonald’s, and someone was driving a car called the Two Door Speck. It was miniscule. If that were a real car, we would have owned it by now. We just love the wee autos. We’ve been ogling the Yaris hatchback since they came out in the spring because they boasted gas mileage in the high 30s, and it just seemed like a great car for us. The one we drove was an automatic (again, where the hell are the standard transmissions anymore?), and it had a decent amount of poop and essentially had the turning radius of a lazy Susan. Thing was, it just didn’t feel like Toyota built it; it was rather tinny and the engine was super buzzy at 60MPH, as if the fourth cog in its transmission wasn’t engaging. Also, the orange peel in the paint was embarrassing, really. Ultimately, we decided that it was just too small for us since it was going to be our only car. I’m pretty sure I could fit my bass cabinet and amp in there, but it would have been reeeally tight. The Yaris is pretty much the real-life version of the Two Door Speck.

3. Scion xB. I deliberately chose to drive this one last. I wanted to make sure I was giving everything a fair trial and didn’t go the impulsive route. Man, am I ever glad I did. I was sold the second I sat in it. The headroom is absolutely amazing, and the interior volume overall is incredible. I set out to find a 5-speed in white, and predictably, there were none to be had. It seems to me that dealers aren’t even interested in finding exactly what you’re looking for anymore. The car I sat in was a Blue Onyx Pearl with automatic. Sigh. Fine, I’ll try the automatic.

Right out of the gate I lost any and all reservations about its performance. It’s a very well-engineered transmission, and I surrendered to it immediately. The whole car is ingenious in so many ways, and we couldn’t be happier with it. The stereo alone is just ridiculous. With pretty much any car I’ve ever bought, I’d hit the Crutchfield catalog the next day to buy a new stereo to replace the craptacular stock stereo. Not this time. This is by far the best-sounding OEM stereo I’ve ever heard.

So there it is. Sure, I have the afterglow of owning a brand-new car, but what I think I’m most excited about is that we now own a car whose history I know, and lo and behold, it has a warranty. I’m also glad that I decided to not go for second or third best just so I could save a few bucks. We’re goofy in love with the xB and are looking forward to a VERY long relationship with it. And, much to the delight of my family and friends, I can finally cease the remorse of letting go of my first new and favorite car, my 1991 Honda CRX.

And for those of you keeping score at home, yes, this is indeed my fourteenth car.

Helmets For Everyone!

I started this week off a little disappointed because I didn’t really have anything to look forward to. Out of nowhere, my prayers were answered by a sign on an MBTA bus today. This week is…

National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week!

Has it been a year already? Whatever shall I wear to the annual National Elevator Escalator Safety Awareness Week Box Social and Symposium?!?!?!? I'm not ready!

Look, there are two things you need to know about escalators and elevators:

1. If there’s a fire, don’t get on an elevator
2. If an escalator breaks down, it’s now just a set of perfectly usable stairs (a nod to Mitch Hedberg).

That’s it. I ask you, how have we come this far as a race? Don’t forget to mark in your calendar Operation Carburetor Cleaner in the Eyes Thwarting Day, National No Toasters in the Bathtub Month, and Don’t Stand in a Canoe Week.

And remember, friends…

Don’t touch that, look both ways, and hold my hand!

Christ.

Because It Feels So Good When I Stop

So, as promised, the Hyundai Accent Saga.

I got the catalytic converter replaced, and I had the check engine light reset. Here’s a tip from me to you: if you need your check engine light reset, AutoZone will do it for free, whereas virtually any garage will charge you $70 plus. For two months I’ve been deliberating whether or not I should just buy my own scanner and determine what the problem is on my own, but I’m not in any hurry to spend another $100 to $200 when I know AutoZone will tell me why the light is on and then reset it for me.

Three days after getting the CEL reset, it came on again. I went back to AutoZone and had them put the scanner on it again (the whole operation takes maybe three minutes), and it came up with the “catalyst error” again. I asked the tech what he thought, and he suggested I replace the O2 sensor at the exhaust manifold. I found this advice rather harebrained because that sensor doesn’t have anything to do with the catalytic converter. Plus, if it were bad, I’d get an error code indicating such a thing. I’m also in no hurry to pay another $130 for a part that will likely have no effect other than lightening my wallet.

I have until November 29th to get this car right, as my failed inspection sticker expires on that day.

Know what? I’ve had enough. I’ve learned yet another expensive lesson and I am just done with this car and the notion of being able to resurrect everything. My “visionary” tendencies have gotten the better of me yet again and I’ve been seriously re-evaluating where they even come from. One would think that common sense would prevent these quandaries, but no.

I think I may have inadvertently co-opted the idea of Wabi-Sabi. I never even knew such a thing existed until my Lady Fair turned me onto it recently via the book Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers by Leonard Koren.

From Wikipedia:

“Wabi-Sabi (in Kanji: 侘寂) represents a comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience. The phrase comes from the two words wabi and sabi. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. It is a concept derived from the Buddhist assertion of the first noble truth — Anicca, or in Japanese, 無常 (mujyou), impermanence.”

So to oversimplify, it’s a love all things old, experienced, weathered, etc. I have that love, I guess. Always have. And it often compels me to make horrific buying decisions. I doubt the Japanese were referring to ten-year-old econoboxes, however.

I’m selling it and will be taking a huge loss, but I’ll be glad to have it out of my life. I have an ad up on Craigslist and judging by the responses I’ve gotten, apparently there are a lot of insane asylum escapees looking for a getaway car. And interestingly, they all have “only $600 to spend and no more”. I’m thinking of referring to it from now on as a Hyundai Accident.

Show Us Your Wits

I’m back from our nation’s capitol, and it was pretty much as I expected in all regards.

The flight to DC was actually quite pleasant. I opted for a window seat, and my head was turned to the right for the hour or so we were in the air. I just couldn’t stop looking. Much to my surprise, I wasn’t at all nervous. And since I haven’t flown in so long, there are some things about flight I had completely forgotten:

1. As we taxied down the runway for takeoff, the pilot hit the throttle. This was just a US Airways shuttle, but I had forgotten just how much power a jet has. It pushed me into my seat and I couldn’t help but grin ear to ear. Pretty cool.

2. The landscape. It doesn’t matter what you’re flying over, whether it’s the Bronx, Vermont, or Greenland; it all looks beautiful from the air. I particularly enjoyed seeing the clouds from the top, and flying through them was also a highlight for me. Hard to believe I’m thirty-five, isn’t it? I’m like a toddler discovering snow for the first time. It really is the simple things.

3. For a souvenir, I grabbed from the seat pocket in front of me a copy of Sky Mall, the toy catalog for rich people with nothing better to spend their money on. Out of probably 1,200 items, I found one useful one.

Anyway.

I got to DC and took a cab to the Capitol Hilton. I had some time to kill as the conference didn’t really start picking up until the next day, so I decided to take up an offer to visit some family nearby (thanks again, J&B!). They picked me up at the hotel, gave me a tour of DC, fed me, and then we visited the other memorials later that night. Lemme tell ya, this country loves its memorials. Crikey. Regardless, DC is beautiful at night, and naturally, Boy Genius didn’t bring a camera with him.

My hotel room was super stuffy, so I had the window open the whole time. It wasn't really an issue until the odd siren would sound here and there and when the kids started school. The playground (lower left in the picture) was about 1/8 of a mile from the hotel and the sound carried pretty well.

The next day, I attended to the information sessions. They lasted an hour and a half each, and in between sessions I’d go outside for some air. Unbeknownst to me, the very spot I decided to light was where Reagan’s assassination attempt happened twenty-five years (!) earlier. After cogitating a moment on the idiocy that is John Hinckley, I sought out a burrito joint. I was successful.

Fast forward to Monday night, and the band met at around six for rehearsal. We were very well taken care of by the people at the Hilton and the organization putting on the conference. For a band of only six people, we were graced with a huge buffet and an abundant supply of beer. Unfortunately, the buffet was 98% meat, and as I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I no longer eat meat, so I just grabbed whatever was portable and fastest to eat: cookies. Big, BIG sugar cookies. So, my diet for the night was pretty much cookies and beer. What has two thumbs and a multitude of huge sugar crashes?
This guy.

So, we rehearsed until midnight and then had to lock up all the amps, drums, keyboards, hardware, etc. in a storage closet on the far side of the hotel. I think I got to sleep around 2AM.

I attended more sessions on Tuesday through an incredibly thick fog of sugar overload and hangover, but I got through it just fine. When one is sitting anywhere for more than fifteen minutes at a time, their eyes typically wander; not really looking for anything, but just to look at something other than a person talking for ninety minutes. At one particular session, there was a short, school marm-ish woman in her 50s with a notebook computer on her lap in the row ahead of me. I had no intention of reading what she was typing, but my eyes eventually fell on her screen.

Well whaddya know…she’s composing erotica. It’s no secret that I can’t multitask, so I was especially impressed that this woman could crank out a sexy novel while listening to the speaker, and even ask questions! I would have had a death by Freudian slip if I were that woman.

The next session, there was a guy about my age seated next to me from a much smaller school, and we chatted it up a bit before the session began. As soon as the speaker started, it became abundantly clear to me that the gentleman I was chatting with is one of those “mm hmm mm hmm mm hmm” types; the kind that has just enough knowledge about a subject to be dangerous and is therefore an authority. He mm hmm’d everything the speaker said. Over and over and over and over. As an added bonus, he then translated under his breath the speaker’s dialogue to anyone who would listen. Problem was I was the only one who could hear him.

The rest of the day was pretty much like Monday, except Tuesday night was the night the band was to play. It’s all kind of a blur, but it went as well as could be expected, and I had the same buffet issues. We were competing with a very large rock and roll band that was set up in the main banquet room, and there was also a jazz quartet in another room. Competition notwithstanding, we were well-received. It definitely wasn’t some of my best work, but sugar crashes and beer will do that to ya. At around 1AM, I headed up to the hospitality suite. I somehow missed out on this the first two nights, and man, once 5:00 rolls around, these people know how to party. The term I keep using is “spring break”, and that pretty well sums it up. I got to bed at 3AM, but it was worth it because I met some cool people and actually felt like I was part of something. Now if I could just do something about this unfortunate tattoo…

I kid.

The flight home was everything the first one wasn’t. My flight got cancelled and the weather was just abysmal. I expected the usual kind of shuddering turbulence, but one never really expects their plane to just drop twenty feet all of a sudden the way it did. Interestingly, the landing was a lot smoother than the first. Getting out of Logan was a most prominent pain in the rump. But that's what 5PM on a rainy weekday in Boston is supposed to be, I guess. Thanks, Big Dig!

So there you have it: what is probably a normal or even dull trip for the average person but semi-exciting to The Man Who's Always Five Minutes Late.

Make Love, Not Money

Interesting ride on the train this morning. The scene played out like this (a true story):

Sometimes I feel as though I’m actually in a living diorama being observed by some hyper intelligent life form. I’m not a sci-fi guy, so that’s the best comparison I have at this juncture.

In this morning's diorama, this is the cast of characters:

1. The seated, 50-ish lesbian couple making out; sweetly, but a little more ramped up than the garden variety lovey smooch

2. The nurse seated right next to them; reading, creeped out, and pushed as close to the opposite edge of the seat as she can get

3. The standing, portly businessman watching the makeout session go down

4. The woman across from the couple, squirming in her seat while doing her damnedest not to stare (she failed)

5. And me, watching this out of the corner of my eye while the other ¾ of my eyes are riveted to a poster on the train wall.

It’s an advertisement for a sperm bank. The tactic they’ve used is emblazoned in bold type the figure of $900, as this is what the average, um, sampling is worth. But what really drives the point home is the huge dollar sign in the midst of being fertilized by a whole bunch of money-driven sperm.

It’s at this point that I imagine the diorama observer calling his buddies over and saying, “Hey, check this out…I installed two same-sex humans engaging in a public display of affection, a big conservative-type guy getting hot and bothered, a screaming-on-the-inside nurse, a lady questioning her own sexuality and not liking her answer, and some dude in a leather jacket checking out a totally crass ad. I think I'll have that student's iPod eat his hand, and I may have the train’s door open to another dimension. Oh, and I'll add a Playmobil tree!”

Sorry the picture (click to enlarge) is sub-par, but I shot it as I was leaving the train.

Fly Me Courageous

November 1st already? Jeez Louise! Although, I have to say that I’m perfectly fine with autumn’s arrival this year. I’m obviously done trying to take advantage of warm weather and riding my Goldwing, and I’m pretty much all set with swimming this year. So, bring on the fall crispness. I’ve been trying to shoot photos of the fall foliage, but for some reason, all the good foliage seems to be only on the highways. I’m not about to endanger myself by parking on the shoulder as 80 MPH traffic goes whipping by, and I don’t really relish having guardrails or signs in the picture.


In other news, on the 5th I’ll be flying to Washington DC for a business conference. This is an interesting development for three reasons:

1. This is my first business trip
2. This is my first time flying alone
3. I’ll be playing in a band as part of the night time entertainment. The band consists of university administrators from all over the country, and evidently they do this every year at this conference. We have a clever name that pertains to the organization throwing this shindig but I’ll spare you dear reader from a nerdy inside joke.

If you’re wondering what the photo above is, it’s my Lady Fair checking out my negatives.